Being with Jesus

This season of my life has proven to be one of many tensions.  Of foremost influence has been the tension between considering my own needs and limits and putting aside what I need for the sake of others.  In the midst of this season, I was struck anew by this section from Mark 6:

vv. 30-31

“The apostles gathered together with Jesus; and they reported to Him all that they had done and taught.  And He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.’  (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat).”

What peace it speaks to my soul to hear the Savior lead them to rest, knowing their physical needs after a time of preaching which had likely left them worn out and a  return to being surrounded by people and even kept from eating.

But then I kept reading...

“They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves.  The people saw them going and many recognized them and ran there together on foot from all the cities and got there ahead of them.”

And what follows is the feeding of the 5,000.  It’s no wonder there’s a tone of annoyance in the voice of the disciples as they suggest the people go away to eat.  They’ve just been preaching and are once again bombarded by people.  They themselves know the feeling of being hungry!

As I read this, I found a sense of frustration rising.  How could Jesus lead them away to a time that they thought would be rest only to let them find themselves once again surrounded by people and needing to provide for them?  What was the point of that?

In that frustration the thought occurs... “what about the time they had in the boat?”  Jesus knew exactly the amount of time they needed and that would’ve been enough for them.

And as I’m talking with a friend, relating my thoughts to her, she speaks even further into the story.  “Then, for the disciples, being with Jesus was enough.”

And I’m hit with the gravity of this.

Then my thinking of my needs or not thinking of my needs becomes secondary.  The question is not whether or not to focus on what I need, but on just being with Jesus.  As I allow Him to lead me each moment, He will lead me exactly where He wants me.  And because I am with Him, if He leads me into something I don’t think lines up with “what I can handle”, He’ll provide.  And if He leads me into something I think “I can handle”, He’ll still provide.  

I can trust Him to lead.  And I can trust Him to provide for where He leads.

And my friend is reminding me of how it changes everything to be aware that God is present; that each moment God is with me.  In reality, not just in an idealistic, theoretical way.

As I think on this the coming days, I’m reminded of a time in my life a couple years back when I kept encountering cherry blossom trees.  There were trees nearby a coffee stand where I worked and I was struck continuously by the how they wove their way into my surroundings.  They were a reminder of God’s grace in my life as they swirled around in gusts of wind.  They were a reminder of the mingling of spiritual and physical as they blew in the window of the stand.  And they were a reminder of God’s grace which makes even the most broken places beautiful as they filled the many cracks surrounding the drive-through.

And now I keep seeing blossoming trees.  

On the way to class in the midst of possibly anxiety-causing traffic.

On the way to work.

On simple walks across the street.

In places where I never knew they existed because before they were just bare trees.

Over and over again I’m reminded that God is present in every place.  Even in the unexpected, like the blossoming tree in the midst of a pasture full of dirty sheep.

But of course, why wouldn’t He be?  A God who would send His Son in the flesh just to be with us desires to be with us just as passionately now.

Then, one day at work, I’m making a drink for a customer and she tells me she’s just been to Washington D.C.  She and her daughters had just gone for the weekend and, of all things, had gone to a cherry blossom festival.  I try and explain how much that means to me, but I’m not sure she gets it.  But, as I continue to contemplate this, I think about what a beautiful representation this is of our lives.  As those cherry blossoms remind me of the fact that God is present with me always, I want my life to be a celebration to this personal, ever-present God.

And as I revel in His presence, may that be enough, no matter where He leads.