From. Through. To. HIM.

This year Christmas took a different spin for me. The word that kept coming up and sticking with me?  Freedom. This year Christmas came in the midst of more change/newness of circumstances than I’ve ever experienced in one year.  It came in the midst of tight chest, racing heart and never-stopping mind.  It came in the midst of transition that threatens to paralyze. And I’m listening to my pastor talk about how the “host of heaven’s armies” has a military connotation, how Jesus came to a people oppressed by force.  And he’s reminding us that Jesus came to liberate. And I’m talking to a friend about how trusting God is what I need to work on.  And the words that she speaks bring comfort to my soul:  “We all have certain bents for what we’re gifted in, but we also have certain bents for what we’ll struggle with.  Some people are just more prone to be anxious.  But that also makes up your personality.  Rather than thinking that we can just get over it, we need to realize

I’m finding myself caught in the tension again, between the life that I say I want and my sin that I keep giving into. I’m feeling it when I’m in a crowd of people and want to know them all and yet want to only know those whom I already know. I’m feeling it when new faces are potential life-long friends but also a laying aside of self. My soul, our souls, seem caught in this struggle.  We desperately want a depth of relationship in which we are known and know and yet we refuse the getting there, or at least the learning how to get there. And I’m feeling it oh so evidently as I’m in the new places: new school, new work, new church.   An entering into a classroom gives the potential of connecting with new people, but I sit where I always sit: next to those whom I already know.   It seems we’re all longing for connection.  I’ve heard myself say it.  And yet, when it comes down to it, I choose my own comfort, safety, and affirmation above the chance to really know

I’m jogging and catch myself thinking about the effects of jogging. Why is it that in jogging and life I’m so prone to be focused on the effects rather than the  source? I so often focus on my actions, on my appearance, on my achievements rather than on being loved by God. And I wonder if I’m content with running “the race” with Jesus. So I’m running and trying to enjoy the fact that I’m running; to stop thinking about all these other things. I stop at a bench and stretch and coming towards me are a mother and son.  The son looks to be in his mid twenties and seems to have autism or something similar.  He’s running excitedly and his mom is following him. We say hi and they continue on their way.  Then I continue on mine. As I find a pace again I’m struck by the beauty of what I’ve just seen: A son fully enraptured with the act of running.  He is not thinking about who will be impressed by his skills, about a number he wants to see on a scale, or on how fast he’s go

Submit.   A word which so often elicits a response of dislike. So what exactly does it even mean and why would we want to?... Submitting is spoken of a few times in the Old Testament as something which is pretended by those who don’t really love God.  Psalm 66 speaks to this: Say to God, “how awesome are Your works! Because of the greatness of Your power Your enemies will give feigned obedience to Your name.”... (Psalm 66:3-4 NASB) Those that reject God still recognize the need to submit to Him, though they implement it wrongly. In contrast, hear the words of David as he continues on, as one who recognizes God’s goodness: All the earth will worship You, And will sing praises to You; They will sing praises to Your name." Selah. Come and see the works of God, Who is awesome in His deeds toward the sons of men.  He turned the sea into dry land; They passed through the river on foot; There let us rejoice in Him! He r ules by His might forever; His eyes keep

I find myself drawn more and more to the expression. There’s something so moving about taking in the communication of someone else’s experience or in expressing your own. Words.  Pictures.  Stories.  Paintings.  Music.  Beauty. What else can we expect as creations of a undeniably communicative God? The one who penned His words for us, made unending images of creativity, wrote a story that spans all time, made the entire universe His canvas, is continually praised with song, and in whom are culminated all things beautiful.  And so we live forth His image and express here on this earth. The more you interact with these expressions, though, the more you begin to see that what really moves is not the penned letters or the captured images or the compiled sounds, but the heart of the communicator.   It’s in the expression of their experience that you begin to share their joy, to feel their pain, to enter into their journey.  It’s why we’re so drawn to creative expression

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved.  I’ve sung those words a thousand times, but never before have they resonated so deeply within me.   Hebrews 2:15 speaks of Christ, who came that He “might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.” The word fear brings to mind other fear in the Bible: The command to fear the Lord. The fear of the Israelites when they spied out the land and came back with reports of capable people and strong cities.   The anxious fear that we’re told to cast upon God. What is the significance of fearing something? Proverbs 1:7 tells us that “the fear of the L ORD is the beginning of knowledge ; fools despise wisdom and instruction” and Proverbs 3:5-6 follows with a command to “ trust in the L ORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight .”   Fear of the Lord leads to w

I wish I could hold you and tell you everything is gonna be alright. I heard what you went through. You don’t even know. I keep thinking how you must wonder how, if there’s a God, He could let it happen. I wish, sweet one, with all my heart, that just for a moment that I could give you my heart and let you feel and see and taste what I have: that He is infinitely good. I know that more now than ever before. And that’s after the anxiety, after the broken friendships, after the failings, after the watching of family members make heart-wrenching decisions that I wish I could turn back. It’s after the heading into the unknown because I think that God is leading and finding myself in the midst of it disillusioned, bitter, and wondering what hope and joy even are. It was then that He met me in that place and showed me that hope is not an idea or an act of the will. Hope is a person.  Jesus Christ.  Conqueror of death and sin and giver of new life: knowing Him.

With a heart full of thoughts, ideas; contemplating what God has done and is doing, I head down to the beach to get some exercise.  Beside the created waves, I’m running along the sea-line.  As my heart rate increases my eyes catch a joyful scene:  A dad is flying a kite high in the sky, with his little son running along beside him: completely naked.  I smile to myself and think about the excitement of this little boy.  He is so enraptured by his surroundings; so caught up in what his dad is doing, he is willing to have joy that is honest and vulnerable.  He is more concerned with fully living out his joy than in being concerned about what others may perceive. “Oh to be like that little boy,” I think to myself.  Oh to be so overcome with what my Father is doing that my participation and joyful thankfulness flow out in unashamed vulnerability.   My thoughts continue and I remember the comparison of the Spirit to the wind.  We can’t see the wind.  We don’t know where it comes

What a gracious God we serve. So often, though, His grace is so deeply embedded, we cannot see it within His acts until we stop and peel back the layers. Like the Israelites being led out from Egypt.. “Now when Pharaoh had let the people go, God did not lead them by the way of the land of the Philistines, even though it was near, for God said, ‘The people might change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.’ Hence God led the people around by the way of the wilderness to the Red Sea, and the sons of Israel went up in martial array from the land of Egypt.” (Exodus 13:17-18, NASB) I can just hear the people... “Why are we going the long way!?” “God sure likes to make things hard on us.” And I can hear myself... “What was the point of that?” “Why would God sidetrack me for that time in life?” “Does God enjoy just making things difficult for me!?” But in fact it’s often in the seemingly unnecessarily difficult times that the grace of God is at