In the midst of a normal day, in a normal kitchen, a realization hits me. I’m struck by the fact that the past few months have been pretty good. To be sure, they’ve had their ups and downs, but there has been substantial progress in many ways. I realize that it’s the most at ease I’ve felt for a long stretch of time in quite a while. The thought is met with a feeling of plateauing. I’m reminded of how much I don’t like that feeling. I’m reminded of difficult, struggling times in the recent past and the deep intimacy and dependence on the Lord that resulted. I find that I’m missing that. A sense of longing begins to build within me, a desire for that close friendship with Jesus once again. It’s not that I’ve lost friendship or ceased to be learning from Him, but it is not the same. I don’t turn to Him with a keen awareness of just how much I need Him every moment. The longing intertwines with dread. Memories of restless nights, anxious days, unsettled rela