From. Through. To. HIM.

Romans 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. This sentence comes right after a verse about giving up sins.   And I’m contemplating what it looks like to give up my sinful ways of thinking and replace it with the way Jesus thinks.  I’m wondering what it means to “put [him] on.” And the weather has begun to change, so I pick out a shirt that I haven’t worn yet that’s more suited for this fall-ish weather.  It’s one of many hand-me-downs that my best friend has given me. And I go to church, and the thing I keep sensing the Spirit telling me is that I am loved.  That I need not consider the thoughts and opinions and judgements of others, but rather listen to what He is speaking over me: that I am fully loved. That I need to really believe that I am not perfect, nor will I be here on this earth. That most of the anxiety and uncertainty that I experience is because I keep trying to reconc...

The problem with being a people-pleaser is that you’re constantly in bondage to caring what people think.  It can influence your every move and leave you stuck in your thoughts; wondering what people are thinking and assuming that you’re always watching you. My normal response is one of generality, wondering how I can overcome this tendency on the whole.  The problem is that the little, specific situations are the ones that make up who we are on a larger scale.  So to combat a mindset, we must begin in the day-to-day. Immersed in this context, the Lord begins to remind me of something. Isaiah 58: 9 reminds that we can call upon the Lord and that He answers us.   His Spirit strikes me with the thought that this is applicable in the midst of situations, not just going into them or coming out of them. I think about how often I care so much what people think and wonder what it would look like to cry out to God in that moment and ask for His thoughts....

Dear Jackie, Someday when we get to Heaven, we’re going to have a lot to talk about. Someday you can tell me all your thoughts and express your feelings and why you do what you do. Someday Renpenning won’t stand in between us and we can talk about our years together. You know what, Jackie?  We’re a lot alike. As you’ve transitioned in your preferred activities at camp, moving from hours of swinging to traversing across camp to be with all sorts of different people, God’s begun to show me just how similar we are. We both love to connect people. For me this looks like introducing people to each other and figuring out mutual acquaintances.  For you it looks like taking one person’s hand and touching it to someone else’s or leading people across camp to place yourself right in the midst of another; bringing people together. We both love to experience things with people. For me this looks like creating an atmosphere or planning an event and then getti...

I’m sitting in the inactivity, trying to let His presence be enough. And I’m made aware of just how hard that is for me. I’m feeling the great freedom it brings to just sit and not need to be doing for or saying to Him.  And yet I’m feeling my need to be doing something. People pass me by and I wonder what they’re thinking of me, if they’re wondering what I’m doing.  I position myself over my journal, in hopes they’ll think that I’m writing or working on something.  To let them think I’m sitting and doing nothing would let them wonder if perhaps I’m not ok. And I let that worry determine my actions. I’ve wondered just recently how I seem to inevitably end up giving an impression of being busy.  But as I wonder, I ponder the even more important question: what if I’m not as busy as people think?  Am I willing to let them see me as someone who doesn’t have a lot on their plate? Often, I find the answer is no. Busyness brings with it an ability ...

This season of my life has proven to be one of many tensions.  Of foremost influence has been the tension between considering my own needs and limits and putting aside what I need for the sake of others.  In the midst of this season, I was struck anew by this section from Mark 6: vv. 30-31 “The apostles gathered together with Jesus; and they reported to Him all that they had done and taught.  And He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.’  (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat).” What peace it speaks to my soul to hear the Savior lead them to rest, knowing their physical needs after a time of preaching which had likely left them worn out and a  return to being surrounded by people and even kept from eating. But then I kept reading... “They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves.  The people saw them going and many recognized them and ran ...

This year Christmas took a different spin for me. The word that kept coming up and sticking with me?  Freedom. This year Christmas came in the midst of more change/newness of circumstances than I’ve ever experienced in one year.  It came in the midst of tight chest, racing heart and never-stopping mind.  It came in the midst of transition that threatens to paralyze. And I’m listening to my pastor talk about how the “host of heaven’s armies” has a military connotation, how Jesus came to a people oppressed by force.  And he’s reminding us that Jesus came to liberate. And I’m talking to a friend about how trusting God is what I need to work on.  And the words that she speaks bring comfort to my soul:  “We all have certain bents for what we’re gifted in, but we also have certain bents for what we’ll struggle with.  Some people are just more prone to be anxious.  But that also makes up your personality.  Rather than thinking that ...

I’m finding myself caught in the tension again, between the life that I say I want and my sin that I keep giving into. I’m feeling it when I’m in a crowd of people and want to know them all and yet want to only know those whom I already know. I’m feeling it when new faces are potential life-long friends but also a laying aside of self. My soul, our souls, seem caught in this struggle.  We desperately want a depth of relationship in which we are known and know and yet we refuse the getting there, or at least the learning how to get there. And I’m feeling it oh so evidently as I’m in the new places: new school, new work, new church.   An entering into a classroom gives the potential of connecting with new people, but I sit where I always sit: next to those whom I already know.   It seems we’re all longing for connection.  I’ve heard myself say it.  And yet, when it comes down to it, I choose my own comfort, safety, and affirmation above th...