Father, Daughter; Love, Beloved.
Ephesians 5:1
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
1 John 3:1a
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.
Identity is everything.
Throughout our lives, we struggle with this idea. From the early years of toddlerhood, where we begin to understand ourselves in relationship to others; to the teenage years of figuring out who we are and what friend groups we feel part of; to the 20’s and the searching for vocation and spouses; to the mid-life years of once again questioning what our meaning is in life; to the older years of refiguring out what life looks like without family in home or occupations, we search to know who we really are and how we fit into the world around us and what defines us.
So often, growing up, I lived and made decisions in an attempt to make sure that I was God’s child. Putting a high priority on righteous action, I was afraid that I might one day be too far gone and God would now longer consider me His. I knew right choices and behavior and thoughts were important, and I wanted to see them as proof that I was His kid. I operated from a place of thinking that if I was God’s child, then I would do x.
But Ephesians 5:1 shows a different progression. Paul urged the readers to imitate God as beloved children. Their identity was already sure. His words bring the realization that it is not if I am God’s child, but since I am God’s child that I can live a life reflective of His character.
Now, though I am confident that I am His daughter and that it won’t change, I often live in an attempt to be assured of His pleasure with me, to know that He looks favorably upon me because of the good choices I have made and the righteous character I demonstrate.
A while back, I was sharing this with a friend, asking her what her thoughts were about God’s pleasure.
“I know that He is saddened when we make decisions that are not in line with His heart for us...so is His pleasure with us changing?” I asked.
She reflected on how this looks in her role as a mom. “I love the girls and am glad to be their mom all the time, not only when they’re [behaving in] ways that are easy. I [have] been prompted to tell them in the midst of some challenging emotions that I love them right in that moment, even as they’re defying me and not allowing me to help them, I’m glad to be their mom right then, and I’m pleased to be with them in their struggle, even if my desire isn’t for them to stay in the struggle, and even as I pray they will let me help them instead of fighting my help...my disposition toward them and my pleasure in our relationship doesn’t change when things shift in them or in me.”
She went on to explain that of course she does not reflect this perfectly, but that “our Heavenly Father...delights in us because we are His...He loves us because that is His disposition toward us, regardless of our present disposition toward Him…” 1
Again, Ephesians 5:1 speaks to this. Not only is our state sure (“as His...children”), but the author reflects the sureness of us being His beloved, in the instruction that from that beloved state, we are to be imitators of God. Not if you are His children, then. And not if you are beloved, then. But since you are His children and since you are beloved, then imitate God.2
As people, we desperately need the affirmation of our beloved state.
As recently shared with me by my husband, it is so striking that even Jesus experienced the public declaration of His Father’s pleasure towards Him, after being baptized.
After thinking about this, I began to wonder if it had more to do with the people around Jesus, than it had to do with Him needing to hear this. But, as I read this section, I saw the very next lines in the book of Matthew:
“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”
I can’t help but think that the Father’s reminder and assurance of His love for the Son right before Jesus’ temptation was not an accident. Though fully God and aware of the Father’s love for Him, perfectly able to trust that, Jesus was also fully human, likely experiencing the same need to be encouraged by His Father’s reminder of affection, particularly before a trying time. Perhaps this story was not actually written in chronological order. Even still, it seems poignant that Matthew chose to write these sections back-to-back.
As people, we often think of ourselves in terms of the relationships we have, the people with whom we identify.
It’s a week where I’m once again mourning the shifting and changing of so many relationships, realizing that my most identifying relationship has changed. By getting married, my husband is now my closest human relationship.
I’m thinking about the theme throughout my life of grasping too tightly to relationships. Of disappointment and grief as they change and expectations aren’t met and people come and go from my life. I’m easily crushed when the desire I have for closeness is not reciprocated.
There is wholeness in this, the reflection of the way relationships were meant to be: free from brokenness, unified, never-ending. But there is also a misunderstanding of my main identifying relationship. I am a beloved daughter of God. From there flow all things, all actions, all secondary relationships.
And I’m reminded of this as I confess the attitudes and actions I have not done rightly. As I confess my holding up of other relationships, my discontentment, my idolatry, my attempts at control. I am not any less His daughter as I struggle with these things. It is the very fact that I am His daughter, empowered by His Spirit, that I can walk forward in these things from a place of freedom. My prayers need not just be over and over, “Oh Lord, I am so sorry, help me to do better.” Rather, “Oh Lord, I am sorry. What love that you should give to me, that I would be called your child. And so I am.3 Help me to live in the reality of being Your daughter.”
As OCD strugglers, so often we live with a fear of what God thinks of us. We are terrified that a wrong action or attitude might mean He decides “that’s it”. We live in an attempt to secure our identity as His child. But, dear one, if you have trusted Jesus as the means for your salvation, your restored relationship with the Father, so you are. The securing has been done, and it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the One who is not only a Child of God, but also God Himself.
May you live in the freedom of being His.
1 Anonymous by request, personal conversation and text conversation.
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