From. Through. To. HIM.

Dear Jackie, Someday when we get to Heaven, we’re going to have a lot to talk about. Someday you can tell me all your thoughts and express your feelings and why you do what you do. Someday Renpenning won’t stand in between us and we can talk about our years together. You know what, Jackie?  We’re a lot alike. As you’ve transitioned in your preferred activities at camp, moving from hours of swinging to traversing across camp to be with all sorts of different people, God’s begun to show me just how similar we are. We both love to connect people. For me this looks like introducing people to each other and figuring out mutual acquaintances.  For you it looks like taking one person’s hand and touching it to someone else’s or leading people across camp to place yourself right in the midst of another; bringing people together. We both love to experience things with people. For me this looks like creating an atmosphere or planning an event and then getti...

I’m sitting in the inactivity, trying to let His presence be enough. And I’m made aware of just how hard that is for me. I’m feeling the great freedom it brings to just sit and not need to be doing for or saying to Him.  And yet I’m feeling my need to be doing something. People pass me by and I wonder what they’re thinking of me, if they’re wondering what I’m doing.  I position myself over my journal, in hopes they’ll think that I’m writing or working on something.  To let them think I’m sitting and doing nothing would let them wonder if perhaps I’m not ok. And I let that worry determine my actions. I’ve wondered just recently how I seem to inevitably end up giving an impression of being busy.  But as I wonder, I ponder the even more important question: what if I’m not as busy as people think?  Am I willing to let them see me as someone who doesn’t have a lot on their plate? Often, I find the answer is no. Busyness brings with it an ability ...

This season of my life has proven to be one of many tensions.  Of foremost influence has been the tension between considering my own needs and limits and putting aside what I need for the sake of others.  In the midst of this season, I was struck anew by this section from Mark 6: vv. 30-31 “The apostles gathered together with Jesus; and they reported to Him all that they had done and taught.  And He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.’  (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat).” What peace it speaks to my soul to hear the Savior lead them to rest, knowing their physical needs after a time of preaching which had likely left them worn out and a  return to being surrounded by people and even kept from eating. But then I kept reading... “They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves.  The people saw them going and many recognized them and ran ...

This year Christmas took a different spin for me. The word that kept coming up and sticking with me?  Freedom. This year Christmas came in the midst of more change/newness of circumstances than I’ve ever experienced in one year.  It came in the midst of tight chest, racing heart and never-stopping mind.  It came in the midst of transition that threatens to paralyze. And I’m listening to my pastor talk about how the “host of heaven’s armies” has a military connotation, how Jesus came to a people oppressed by force.  And he’s reminding us that Jesus came to liberate. And I’m talking to a friend about how trusting God is what I need to work on.  And the words that she speaks bring comfort to my soul:  “We all have certain bents for what we’re gifted in, but we also have certain bents for what we’ll struggle with.  Some people are just more prone to be anxious.  But that also makes up your personality.  Rather than thinking that ...

I’m finding myself caught in the tension again, between the life that I say I want and my sin that I keep giving into. I’m feeling it when I’m in a crowd of people and want to know them all and yet want to only know those whom I already know. I’m feeling it when new faces are potential life-long friends but also a laying aside of self. My soul, our souls, seem caught in this struggle.  We desperately want a depth of relationship in which we are known and know and yet we refuse the getting there, or at least the learning how to get there. And I’m feeling it oh so evidently as I’m in the new places: new school, new work, new church.   An entering into a classroom gives the potential of connecting with new people, but I sit where I always sit: next to those whom I already know.   It seems we’re all longing for connection.  I’ve heard myself say it.  And yet, when it comes down to it, I choose my own comfort, safety, and affirmation above th...

I’m jogging and catch myself thinking about the effects of jogging. Why is it that in jogging and life I’m so prone to be focused on the effects rather than the  source? I so often focus on my actions, on my appearance, on my achievements rather than on being loved by God. And I wonder if I’m content with running “the race” with Jesus. So I’m running and trying to enjoy the fact that I’m running; to stop thinking about all these other things. I stop at a bench and stretch and coming towards me are a mother and son.  The son looks to be in his mid twenties and seems to have autism or something similar.  He’s running excitedly and his mom is following him. We say hi and they continue on their way.  Then I continue on mine. As I find a pace again I’m struck by the beauty of what I’ve just seen: A son fully enraptured with the act of running.  He is not thinking about who will be impressed by his skills, about a number he wants to see on a scale...

Submit.   A word which so often elicits a response of dislike. So what exactly does it even mean and why would we want to?... Submitting is spoken of a few times in the Old Testament as something which is pretended by those who don’t really love God.  Psalm 66 speaks to this: Say to God, “how awesome are Your works! Because of the greatness of Your power Your enemies will give feigned obedience to Your name.”... (Psalm 66:3-4 NASB) Those that reject God still recognize the need to submit to Him, though they implement it wrongly. In contrast, hear the words of David as he continues on, as one who recognizes God’s goodness: All the earth will worship You, And will sing praises to You; They will sing praises to Your name." Selah. Come and see the works of God, Who is awesome in His deeds toward the sons of men.  He turned the sea into dry land; They passed through the river on foot; There let us rejoice in Him! He r ules by His might forever; His e...